Chapter 5 Moving On

In 1994 we moved to Grass Range, Montana, population several hundred. The school was kindergarten through 12th grade, about 120 students. We enjoyed our time living here. We rented a three bedroom trailer from the school, which was fairly cheap, and I walked to school everyday (about 500 yards away). I was hired to rebuild the history department - there wasn't one! When I went into my new room, there was one video on Eisenhower, and the text books. That was it. The Physical Education department ( I taught 4 history and K-12 PE) was almost as bad. The good news was the superintendent allowed me to spend quite a bit of money on supplies. By the time I left three years later, both departments had structured curriculum and everything that was needed. The students in history were writing term papers, giving speeches, and actually learning. Physical Education was more than playing basketball. We played Frisbee, golf, archery, and a wide variety of activities. I felt real good about the work I did there.

The last year I was there I was also the school counselor. A challenging job. I received on extra prep period (45 minutes) to do that job. Not nearly enough time of course. I began adding a few things and working away. Luckily I took over from someone who had done a good job at building resources for me to use.

I was also the head boys basketball coach all three years, and coached track, where I was an assistant the first year, the Head Boys Track coach the last two. Track went fairly well. There were three coaches for grades 7-12. We (the coaches) divided up the events and I coached the throwing events. We had some successes, placed some kids at the state meet, which was good for a small school like Grass Range.

Basketball went very well those three years, but did cause some personal grief as my stomach (the hietal hernia) and anxiety began to make a big appearance. First, the basketball. The team had been successful before I came to Grass Range, but that first year I only had one returning player with any varsity experience. With a new system and a new coach and no experience we did pretty well. We lost our first game at tournament and forced a Monday night challenge game to see which team would advance, but lost. During the second season we had experience and played pretty well. We finished second in our district tournament and got to go to divisionals (the top two from divisionals go to the state tournament). The last year we won the district tournament. It was a great feeling. Of course I had my critics, who even going into tournament did not think we could win. After we won, one of them remarked "they won, but they didn't do it the right way".

The pressure (and a lot of it was simply put on by me) was wearing on me, along with the fear and anxiety of a possible cancer return. The symptoms of a hietal hernia also mimic a heart attack, so there were several times that I was convinced I was having one. I even took myself to the emergency room in Lewistown (30 miles away) several times. The doctors checked me out, gave me medicine to calm my stomach, told me to start guzzling Maalox (which I did). I always had a bottle with me during the game.

Well, symptoms persisted, though not as severe, and I felt close to falling apart. Finally, in December of 1995, I went to see a Counselor. We met several times, and discussed the anxiety. On top of this was the "male macho" lifestyle that I had. I always thought I was tough, could handle everything myself, and I was responsible for everything. I did not have enough pressure just from the past, but I added more. Finally I came to realize that a change was in order. The counselor referred me to a psychiatrist, and I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic (well duh, like I didn't know that).

I was placed on medicine for anxiety and depression (the depression did fade). Slowly I began to feel better and lossen up some. I still had to fight though it for awhile, and my profession (coaching and teaching) does not do a lot to reduce tension, pressure and worry. The doctor told it like this; "Five thousand years ago our tribe went back to the cave. His relatives (the doc) and his family went to the back and fell into a rested sleep. Meanwhile, my relative sat at the cave entrance worrying about the saber tooth tiger that might attack." My ancestors were the worry warts who helped protect the tribe. Unfortunately, it wore on them as well.

So now I was on medicine, occasionally saw a counselor, and tried to make some life style changes. It was (and is) determined that there are no "issues" that therapy would help, that it was simply genetics and chemical. So I was still left to myself a lot. I did work on relaxation techniques and tried to find ways to ease the pressure. It was hard. I also began to become more connected spiritually. That too was going to take some work.

We also had another surprise while living in Grass Range - Nathaniel Charles Lewis. In 1995 we had visited with the medical doctor in regards to the radiation I had received. We had though about another child, but were concerned about possible birth defects from the radiation. The doctor (Dr. Melzer, who had done my cancer surgery and is still one of my favorite doctors - if you need a uriologist in Billings, Montana I highly recommend him) told us we did not need to worry. More than likely I was sterile from the radiation. No sooner than he told us that and Carol became pregnant. Nathan added some more pressure for us. As the pregnancy progressed, he refused to turn. I guess he did not like being upside down. So, Carol had to have a C-section. Of course I was still a bit of a nervous wreck at this point. They (doctors) asked if I wanted to come into the O.R. - but I declined and my loving wife understood. Nathan was born, healthy - and now there was five of us. Jessica had started kindergarten, and we were moving along.

School didn't help the anxiety and pressure a lot. In three years at Grass Range there were three superintendent's. There was always a crisis. Always something. I had decided after the third season if I did come back the next year I was not going to coach basketball - hey, might as well go out on top. I began looking for other positions, especially counseling. In the spring of 1997 I interviewed at Colstrip, Montana. We checked out the town and liked it. We wanted to find a bigger town so Rick (a 6th grader) would be able to stay somewhere and graduate. I took the job. Feeling better, a higher paying job in a bigger town, and no burden of being a coach (at that time), we were ready to move. We "fell" into a house 8 miles north of town on 10 acres, at a good price and that summer we moved one more time.